You could start small by taking a beat to check in with yourself before responding to your mom’s texts. If you don’t feel like dealing with her at that moment, don’t. If that’s not enough to preserve your energy, maybe you can limit the number of texts you’ll respond to each day or week. You can always change it up later by removing another point of contact, like those unannounced visits, if you need more space (see step five).
3. Decide how quietly you want to quit.
You don’t have to formally announce that you’re going low-contact, but giving your mom a heads-up might be useful.
If you’re not worried about your safety and your quiet quitting tactics mean your mom has to change her behavior, then laying out your plans could make sense. Plus, explaining why you put them in place might help you resolve whatever is behind your decision to quiet quit this relationship.
That said, if your version of low-contact doesn’t require anything from your mom, you don’t need to tell her it’s happening, says Goodman. For example, you can hold back information about your life or avoid certain events without discussing it first.
Feel weird about this? I get that, but here’s something to think about: You’ve probably told your mom about the ways she’s hurt you many, many times before, says Goodman. Even if you haven’t explicitly pointed to every single occasion she hurt your feelings, your body language and tone of voice likely have conveyed how her actions impacted you. You may be tired of retelling those painful events, which is why you’d like to avoid another confrontation with your mom. So consider this your permission not to.
Still, your mom might notice you pulling back and ask what’s going on. If she does, you can tell her why you’re not getting into your dating life or attending the family reunion. You don’t have to, though. You’re welcome to make excuses or just say, “Yep, you’re right, I’m not doing that anymore.” You don’t owe her an explanation.